The stomach rules...

It was the 4:30 p.m. Bikram Yoga class, and the conversation went something like this:

Stomach: What the hell are you doing?
Me: I think they call it the Half Moon with Hands to Feet Pose (Ardha-Chandrasana and Pada-Hastasana), and right now I'm in the forward bending part of the pose.
Stomach: Let me rephrase the question: WHY the hell are you doing the forward bending part of the pose?
Me: Well, it's part of the series. We bend to the right, and then to the left, and then backwards and forwards.
Stomach: Do I need to remind you that you had a bowl of pinto beans before you went to class?
Me: It was a small bowl...
Stomach: Yeah, a small bowl -- 45 MINUTES BEFORE CLASS!! Do you happen to remember the recommendation NOT to eat 2 hours before a class?
Me: Uh, yeah, I sort of remember something about that.
Stomach: Good! I'm trying to do my job here, digesting those beans you ate, and here you are squishing me upside down and pressing me against your thighs. It's not feeling too good, is it?!
Me: No, actually I feel like I might have to throw up. I'm feeling a constriction in the esophagus.
Stomach: Right on, Sister. Get a clue. Sit down on your mat, why don't you, and let's not trouble the esophagus any further.
Me (feeling really strange): Yeah, good idea.

A minute or two later...

Stomach (with a strong note of irritation): NOW what do you think you're doing??
Me: Well, we do each pose twice, so I figured that maybe I could do the forward bend the second time around.
Stomach: You don't learn, do you?? You think I'm any further along digesting those beans than I was a minute ago??
Me: M-m-m, probably not.
Stomach (sighing): I repeat -- sit down on your mat and give me a break or you WILL be barfing beans all over your brightly colored towel. And take it easy on the rest of the forward bending postures in class.
Me: Okie-dokie, you're the boss.
Stomach: And you're an idiot. If stomachs could choose their people, I'd be outta here.